Insomnia (Again) And Seeing Ghosts

Another night where the insomnia seems to have won.

I regularly have trouble sleeping. I do shift work, which of course does not help my body settle into a real routine.

I have always suffered from insomnia. Ever since I was a child. I would say since I was about 8 or 9 years old.

When I was younger, and up until not that long ago, maybe 2 or 3 years now, I could see ghosts. I take them to be ghosts anyway. I haven't seen any for a long while now, and I think that is a good thing. I do still "sense" the odd unusual presence or feeling, but no full on visuals.

This is a big share guys, so stay with me.

When I was young, I used to see "eyes", when I went to bed at night. Just eyes. If I closed my eyes, I would feel them come up close to my face. They were not friendly at all, and recently I read something a fully fledged psychic wrote about similiar experiences of eyes appearing to him. He stated these "visions" were a statement of aggression. This is how I also felt at the time, that there was ill will in those eyes.

These "visions" progressed, and I would occasionally see faces and whole people. These sightings happened more often after we moved to a different house. I once saw a face of what I felt was a nasty man in my parents' room.

I saw, regularly, another man's face in the bathroom. No one else could see him. He would be there, watching me and smiling and sometimes winking at me.

One time, I was in the kitchen with my mum. The door, which led onto the living room, was closed. My dad opened the door, and came into the kitchen. But in front of him, walked a woman, in a green dress. She was blond, wore her hair in a bob, and was very beautiful. And then she was gone.

No one saw her except myself.

I could list a lot of examples like these. However, there would be no real purpose to that. I simply wanted to share with you, part of what my life experience was. These sightings, amongst other things, grew more common, until at eventually, I believe, I was able to shut it off. Or at least dull the connection I had to those "perceptions".

This may be how my insomnia began.

Now, though, there are many factors.

My job.

My over-active mind.

My fear of death. I often have panic attacks at night, thinking about what being dead would be like. I have had this fear since I was a child as well. I remember asking my parents about death, a lot. What they thought would happen when we died. I still have this fear. It is the only real fear I do have. Which I know logically, is silly. There is nothing I can do about it. It is going to happen. Even seeing ghosts doesn't make my fear go away. I think ghosts could just be a memory, or imprint, of the energy of a person or an event. So if this is true, ghosts still are not proof of our survival beyond death.

I over-think things - conversations, situations, both that have happened and that might happen.

I obsess. I obsess about most things. I am sure I am quite exhausting for anyone who knows me. Please show my partner some pity.

I take day dreaming to new heights, through my obsessing. I don't just fantasise. I can tell you the concrete measurements of my dream house, the colour scheme, the costing of the build and so on and so on. The architect would be called Peter, and would be a family friend many years after the dream house was completed.

Anyway.

So, here I am, sitting typing furiously away on my laptop at 1.33am. This post is drawing to a close. So what now? I might have a look on YouTube. I might watch a DVD, or even read that book I borrowed from the library a couple of days ago. It is supposed to be a comedy, but in the few pages I have read so far a man's wife has gave birth to their child and died. Yeah! Hilarious. I suppose it could get better.

Sweet dreams.