Breaking The News That Someone Has Died

Telling someone a loved one has died is one of the most difficult things I have had to do as a nurse, and as a person.

There is no "easy way" to do it. There is no "one size fits all" approach either.

I remember someone in my care died and I had to call their daughter. Although this person was unwell, it was not suspected that their passing away was going to happen anywhere near as soon as it did. It was unexpected, and so the family were not present.

Making that call was harrowing, though I know it was nowhere near as bad as it must have been for the lady receiving the call.

Introducing myself, hearing the silence on the other end of the phone, my explaining as calmly and as carefully as I could what had happened, the following shrill cry and sobbing...It was truly awful.

Another occasion saw me caring for a man whom we knew was close to passing away. His health had slowly but progressively deteriorated until the night we knew he was going to die. I had called his family and explained that there had been a change, and that the time was probably very close.

I was glad the family had the opportunity to say goodbye to their loved one. I think they were too.

As his breathing changed and his pulse grew weak, his family was able to sit with him in a dignified and loving fashion.

I had been keeping him as comfortable as possible as he passed, and had been monitoring his vital signs. When his heart stopped and his chest fell for the last time, he was gone. At this point I informed the family he had died.

Watching his family, even though they knew what was happening, actually realise and try to understand his passing, is something that will stay with me forever.

I had to make a call soon after this and broke down on the phone. It had been an overwhelming night.

Just too much.

I hear other people sometimes say that they "get used" to people passing away. I never have. I doubt I ever will. I don't believe these people are cold or uncaring, but their coping mechanism must simply be different to mine.

Breaking the news that someone has died is a skill. I have gotten better over the years. It is important to always be honest and to be clear. It would be easy to think that by being economical and vague with the truth might, at times, save someone from unnecessary pain.

But this robs people. It robs the person who died of their own personal truth and dignity. It robs their loved ones of knowing how their loved one really passed away. It robs the person breaking the news of their own integrity and of the last opportunity they have of performing their role as an advocate.

When breaking the news, people don't need to know all the gritty details, they just need the truth.

Everyone deserves that.