Friends

There was a whole sitcom based around the relationships between friends.

Human societies thrive when there is cohesion and co-operation among those with shared values and beliefs, working together towards common goals.

Friendships are an integral part of a positive and full life.

The Free Online Dictionary says,

"friend [frɛnd]

n

1. a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; an intimate

2. an acquaintance or associate

3. an ally in a fight or cause; supporter

4. a fellow member of a party, society, etc.

5. a patron or supporter a friend of the opera

be friends (with) to be friendly (with)

make friends (with) to become friendly (with)"

 

Another listing for "friend" includes,

"and trusts"

What does "friend" mean to you?

We all have our own notions and ideas of what being and having a friend should mean. Such values are shaped, in part, by our family, by our culture and by our experiences. Our values are also influenced by the media, televisions shows (e.g. Friends), movies and the like.

I personally associate being at ease with someone, loyalty, a shared history, shared experiences and outlook, pursuit of similar goals, respect, acceptance and such, with friendships.

I also believe people in general are very (too) relaxed with the use of the term "friend" to describe people in our lives. I've observed the same over-usage and increasingly poorer respect of the word "love". Celebrities who love their fans and people who love their hand-crafted cutlery, or whatever, lose a portion of credibility in my eyes when they make these nonsense declarations. They may really value them, and want to show appreciation, but please, it's silly to use "love" in such a way.

Anyway.

Facebook and similar social networks don't enhance people's understanding of what a friend is either, with the sending and receiving of friend requests becoming ever more casual and meaningless. I have almost 600 friends on my Facebook account. I have more than a few who I have never even met on my list. I like them. I have things in common with them. But, for the majority of people on my Facebook "friends list", whether I have met them or not, I would personally refer to them as acquaintances.

The definition of "friend" above includes acquaintances and associates. I would like to disagree. They are not the same thing. I would like to argue that there are levels of friends, and believe most folks would agree with me

You can have a good rapport with people you happen to see occasionally at work, at the library or shop, but they aren't necessarily friends. They may be. But more often these people who touch lightly on the fringes of your life's perimeter are pleasant people who you will never share anything much deeper than greetings and polite conversation. You may find these acquaintances share mutual friends, but they still are not friends themselves.

I was recently part of a conversation, that prompted this post, about friendships. The roles, standards and expectations associated with friends and the effort involved in maintaining a friendship were discussed.

Stories were shared about friends letting you down, leaving you disappointed, through either action or inaction, or by generally not keeping up their part in the relationship. People are human, are not perfect and will make mistakes. Misunderstandings can also be common. But friends who habitually treat you poorly are not friends.

This got me thinking back to when I left school. The first 12 - 18 months after leaving school, as for most people, was a time of great personal growth. Stepping out into the big world, you develop further the person you are going to be forever, without the safety net of school, teachers and established networks of...friends.

During this time I had what I term a Spring Clean Of Friends. Events and situations unfolded that shed light on the fact that certain friends weren't friends at all. I realised I did not have to accept broken promises, unearned trusts or unhealthy and even downright toxic relationships with people who did not value or respect me. Empty friendships were not as important as my sense of self-worth.

My insight into what I value and look for in a friendship has meant I now have a large circle of acquaintances, but very few close friends, who I can share my deepest and darkest with.

I have high standards and I'm proud for this to be the case. I do value myself. Highly. I know what I am worth. Those who don't agree are welcome to their opinion, but they can sing about it to the man on the moon. I have neither the time, nor the inclination, to give a damn.

People I meet through the course of my life do not always realise how small my inner circle is. I'm sure people think we have a solid friendship, when in fact I don't see it the same way, simply because I have an open and gregarious nature.

I'm aware how this all might sound, and how it could be misinterpreted. People can be easily offended. I remember talking to a colleague, a year or two ago, and they had mentioned something about us being friends. I informed this person we were colleagues, not friends. They responded as though I had grew horns. Our relationship was a free and easy one. We were generally on good terms and could share a joke. But I still would not say that met criteria for true friendship. That would have required something deeper, more substantial and intimate.

I have also met clients through my photography business who have seemingly had a wonderful experience and have gone on to attempt to build more of a friendship with me. I am flattered at such a compliment. But I feel lines can be blurred in such situations. A professional distance is important to me, and finding the balance between having a distinct business relationship and maintaining a warm and sincere rapport is something I strive for.

I would feel terribly awkward if a blossoming friendship influenced my business decisions, or vice versa. As such, it is better, for me, to avoid such potential conflicts.

What do you think?

Are you a good friend? Or are you a better acquaintance?