I got phase 2 of my Clear Correct treatment for my teeth. Here's a video. Don't get excited - I'm not naked.
Maybe.
Maybe a month ago now I crashed my car. Crash sounds dramatic. You know me, toned down and too cool for school.
I had been driving in the rain. Not aimlessly, you understand. I was going somewhere, with intent, to a specific destination. In fact, I had left earlier than necessary because I had a couple of things to do and there was a lot of "weather" happening.
As I headed towards a set of traffic lights, the little darling turned red. The car in front of me stopped appropriately, obeying the red messenger of STOP. I, however, did not. I began to break and it was clear I had no control over my car. I think I was aquaplaning. That sounds like a fun word, aquaplaning, but I didn't have much fun. Trying to not hit the car in front of me, I turned my steering wheel to the right. The car ignored this and continued in it's original trajectory. I couldn't stop and I couldn't swerve. So what did I do?
I closed my eyes. I held the steering wheel tight with both hands. Then I said "Shit!".
This was as good a coping strategy as I could come up with under the circumstances. Don't judge me.
So I did indeed smack into the car in front. I turned off my car, all rationally flooded at this point, and got out. The driver of the other car stepped out and, instead of shouting or threatening me, he was actually lovely. I repeated several times that I was sorry, that I hoped he was OK. He said it was fine. I then quickly checked both cars and I couldn't see damage on either.
This stranger, this dignified man, then jumped in his car and drove off, drama free. I really expected at the very least to have him take my details. He may have been in a little shock.
Anyway. A couple of weeks ago we went to The Melbourne Zoo. That's our second visit and it was still fun. I put some photos up on my instagram if you want to catch up on my antics in a visual fashion. I was frustrated at times, though, because a lot of the animals were sleeping or hiding. Sigh. But it's not all about me.
We saw Ryan Reynolds as the majorly hyped Deadpool. It was enjoyable, but I can't help think The Green Lantern would kick his ass...
We've also been off to see the filming of The Project again too. We had been once before.
If you haven't seen it, it's a news magazine type show, layered with humour. It's good value and looks at topical issues etc.
The tickets to sit in the audience are free too. You turn up at the allotted time, file into a room where you are quickly acquainted with terms, conditions and rules of participating as an audience member, then taken to the studio. It might sound silly, but it was fun. We were taken down corridors, past rooms with panels of blinking lights and countless screens. The researchers, technicians and all those other people that make the TV magic happen all waved and smiled at us as we shuffled past.
In this photo you can sort of see our heads. You can see my bald patch!
The episode we saw filmed was one with Danni Minogue as a guest. If I wanted to risk some official, reactionary process of the law, I might have been braver. I was close enough at one point to touch her. But I didn't touch her. At all. Or smell her. I will continue to deny it.
What was cool, though, was as we were leaving, we exited via an elevator. It initially went to the wrong floor and Carri Bickmore, one of the presenters, got in. She was friendly and warm. I thanked her, you know, for the chance to see the show being made. She then said, "No, thank you!". Aww. She's lovely.
Oh. But crappy things have happened too, over the last few weeks. Life. It's a roller coaster, alright! For months I have had my life punctuated by the sound of an alarming car. It alarms most days, day and night. I think it must be very sensitive. Aren't we all.
Well, last week was as bad as it gets. One night, in the space of 8 hours, it alarmed no less than 18 times. I know, because it kept me awake, and as neurotic as I am at the best of times, I became a "counter". I'm not proud. You know the sort. Counters. But the more I counted, the more righteous I felt, justified in my right to be furious.
I ended up calling the police. I detailed the months of the same, that this night it had went off several times. I was told that if it alarmed again, I was to call back. Again? Was he not listening? Of course it was going to alarm again, that's all it's been doing. But he's a cop, a man of the law, fair and balanced etc.
So I agreed. I hung up, began to think about how sorry I felt for my poor, exhausted mind and body when...Yeah, that bastard, demon car started to alarm AGAIN.
I was almost cheery when I called the policeman again. See, see, I told you!
He told me he'd put a note on the car for the owner to call him. By 8.30a.m. a note was there, on the windshield. But wait, there was another note too. A neighbour had shared the trauma of a sleepless night with me. I wasn't alone.
Since then, the car has alarmed maybe 3 or 4 times. I see the owner has also put a cheeky note on the car too. Something about people not helping with her car being broken into. Except the car has not been broken into. Not the 18 times it alarmed that night, at least, as I crazily stared at it for 8 bloody hours.
...And what am I doing now? Well, it turns out when I bumped my car, I did damage it. There are two very small dents in the bonnet. Not a big deal. Except I can't open it. So I can't fill my window washers with water. Oh, and I can't investigate why my engine light is now on.
So I'm waiting for a mechanic to have a look, fix it and screw me for $$$ :(
Just now I'm trying to think of how the conversation will go.
Mechanic: So, it took us hours and was really difficult, eh and had to order some parts that are really hard to come by. It'll be $LOTS, thanks.
Me: Would you need it paid in money?
Mechanic: You mean in cash?
Me: No, as in, would you accept an alternative to money?
Mechanic: What?
Me: I'm freshly showered.
Mechanic: Huh?
Me: And you can call me anything. Like Jack, Lucy, boy...
Mechanic: Mate...
Me: No, try it. Boy. You might like it. Use it in a sentence. Say "Get on your knees boy. Thank me, boy, for fixing your car.
So I know that won't work. Wish me luck.
I think that's you all caught up on the many happenings in my life.
Don't leave it so long til you visit again, you hear?
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