It Gets Better

This will be post 200, on Views Of A Star Child.

To mark this milestone, I wanted to highlight further something that has already had a large amount of coverage, across all forms of media (just in case you have been living under a rock).

Dan Savage, who is an author, sex columnist and journalist, is also responsible for the It Gets Better Project.

This project was devised and rolled out in response to homophobic bullying, which has resulted in so many young people killing themselves. Some very high profile cases of young people believed to belong to the gay, lesbian, transgender and questioning community, taking their own lives have recently led to wide coverage of the issue of bullying, homophobic and otherwise.

Essentially, the project aims to increase awareness of bullying, develop strategies for managing bullying and create a dialogue among adults and youths focusing on acceptance and tolerance.

Core to the project is delivering hope and a message to those who are bullied: "It Gets Better".


YouTube is awash with videos of people, famous and not, gay and not, telling their story of how they were bullied, or how they struggled with their own circumstances, and how now they can see that it actually did get better. I have watched many of these videos and am in genuine awe that so many people are taking the time and making the effort, to reach out and connect with those young people out there who are struggling with life.

Joel Burns made one such video. He is a Fort Worth City Councilman, who expressed his own thoughts and feelings on the recent young suicides in a very touching and articulate fashion. Here is the video:



Children are killing themselves. Bullying does have to stop, in schools and elsewhere.

Sexuality is only one element of this. Bullies focus on anything that is different, or anything that can be perceived as a weakness. But, as a gay man, sexuality being a focus (and a justification?) for bullying is close to my heart.

My own story is somewhat different. I wasn't bullied at school for being gay. I don't really remember being bullied. Of course I had some bad experiences and difficult times (school isn't a total breeze for anyone), but I can't say I was bullied. My being gay was never an issue at all. I wasn't out at school, and no-one asked me or accused me.

I always remember feeling that I was different from most of the people around me, and I knew I was gay from a very early age. Someone (a woman) asked me a few weeks ago how I knew I was gay. I asked her how she knew she was straight. She said that she knew she was straight because she liked men. I explained that that is how it was for me too.

I suppose I was luckier in a way than other young gay guys. I am not, and never have been, an overtly camp man. This allowed me to have a choice about when I "came out". I wasn't ready for such a long time. I lied to friends and kept a very large part of my life secret. A very large, integral part, of who I am was hidden for too long.

I was 20 years old before I finally told my parents. Before I made that step I did worry about how they would take it. I used to hear often of people who had been disowned by their families.

When I did tell them, they were not overly impressed. It isn't the life they would have chosen for me.

However, they did acknowledge that it is who I am and they still love me.

We did have some awful experiences, with homophobic neighbours and generally unpleasant people attempting to make our lives difficult. They broke our windows and threatened us.

But do you know what? It does get better.

I met Sam when I was 19. He is my first and only boyfriend (thank you Cupid!). After almost 11 years together I consider him my husband.

I got a good education, a professional qualification, gained some excellent life and work experience, and finally emigrated to Australia in 2009. Our time here has been one adventure after another.

If you are gay, bisexual, transgender, or just a little different, and feel bad about yourself, DON'T!

You deserve to live life as well as any other person. Your sexuality does not define you, but it can and will enrich your life and who you are. Embrace it. Celebrate the person you are.

Life can be pretty shit. There is no doubt about it. But life can also be Amazing...

Rewarding...Fulfilling...Wonderful...

and worth living!

If you know someone who is having a hard time, gay or not, please don't turn a blind eye. Suicide is a very real and final choice. Reach out, try and connect with them. Let them know they are not alone. Not everyone who considers killing themselves will be persuaded to not carry out their plans. That is the bare truth. Some people will kill themselves regardless of what support and help is offered. But if we can help a few people to realise life can be positive and enjoyable, that will be a true accomplishment.

Need help? Advice? Information? Try these sites:

The Trevor Project 

 Life Line

The Samaritans

Reach Out